i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
