mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
are you so shy because you have an std?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
