how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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