Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
