so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
