He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
