he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
