how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
