omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize