I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
