oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
