cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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