she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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