is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
