I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
