he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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