Non-Jews are for practice
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
