So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
