i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
