I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
