Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
