butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
