Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
