This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
