1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
