I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
high people should be assigned attendants
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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