Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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