oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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