he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
