Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Someone came in the potted fern
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize