im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
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