I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize