Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
