I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
