just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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