Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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