Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
