HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize
