and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
