You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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