and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
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