I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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