Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
