there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
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