You made me cry and you don't even care
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Randomize
