Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Randomize
