Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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