i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Swine flu is the new snow day.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Randomize
