All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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