Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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