If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Randomize
