I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
