Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
