I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
