This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
