just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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