I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
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