this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
