I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Randomize
