Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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