My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize