He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize