apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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