I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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