my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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