What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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