It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
