i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
