I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Randomize