dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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