So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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