About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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