the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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