too bad you live with your parents still
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
