I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
My ATM looks so different sober.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Randomize
