sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
this must be what syphilis tastes like
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize