I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I'm just crazy horny about you
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Randomize
