he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
