While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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