When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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