OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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