like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
My dick has a subreddit
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
