Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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