Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
