Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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