I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
