Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
We have started to decorate penises.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Randomize
