you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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