The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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