all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
