just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
