I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
