He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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