Swine flu. Run for my life!
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
