i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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