I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize