never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
